so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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