The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
being pregnant is like rehab
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize