Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
