I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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