Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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