Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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