i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she looked like the before picture.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
