Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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