oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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