why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
