Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
