I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
