im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
