I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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