My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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