I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
