Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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