Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
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