The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
