I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
