dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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