I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
