is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I party with great urgency now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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