dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
