wrigley field is MILF paradise
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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