my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your cock deserves a montage
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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