She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
