I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
