I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
