Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
