I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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