i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
