and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
