Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
