The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
