Pappa wants mamma naked
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
