jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
