My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
