1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
