drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize