Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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