If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
