This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
