my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
