my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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