very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
