You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
