the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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