NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
