I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
