Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
