the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
