Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
