dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
