Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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