We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
