this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
there's paper in my vomit.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
