She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
