i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
