How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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