Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
