If i come over, it means nothing
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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