i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
