and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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