He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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