Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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