his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
