I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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