my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
