Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My liver just had a heart attack.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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