I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
