He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize