Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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