your thong is hanging out like whoa
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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