the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
